Charlie bit me - again

This video from YouTube cracks me up. A big smile was just what I needed this Monday morning. Have a great week!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM

What happened to hanging out on Sundays?

I'm starting to understand Chemistry, and it's getting more interesting to me. I took today off from volunteering at CRC (it's my first Sunday off in three months), and I'm glad I did. Tonight I can relax and prepare for the week. We're going to the mountains for Jason's birthday next weekend, and I do not want to bring a ton of work with me. Chemistry homework is complete for the week and the 3rd section quiz is done. I scored 80% on it. I think our first test is the class after the holiday, so I won't have to learn anything new that weekend, just review.

This is where we are going, and I can't wait! The owner gave us a great student-discount-last-minute rate. Jason is really excited about going too, even though it's his big 35th birthday and I can tell he's feeling a tiny bit "old". After his birthday, I will start feeling "old" because I was born just about 4.5 months later. Nana's is coming by the house twice a day to watch the dogs. It should be a nice, peaceful and fun weekend sans "the kids".

On a different note, my friend Jen and her husband bought a camper and although we don't have a truck big enough to tow one of the magnitude they bought, we could definitely get a popup like this and tow it with the Jeep. With a camper we could take the dogs with us on trips and save money on pet sitting as well as spend more quality time with them. Plus we would have a stove and fridge and a bed to sleep in at night. And we could go on vacation much more often that we can currently afford to since campground fees are so low compared to hotels. I'm on the lookout for one for sale on Craigslist that needs to be refurbished for cheap cheap cheap, like as in $200, or trade for something that we have but no longer need, like tools or something.

What the hell has gotten into me? JennBenn wants to buy a popup camper? Seriously? I'm sure my parents think I have lost my ever-loving mind. I dunno, but I want to be outdoors and a camper sounds a lot better than sleeping on the ground. Maybe that's why it makes sense. Or maybe I'm just cuckoo. Or maybe it's a phase. Could be a phase. I think I need to think about the camper some more before actually buying one to make sure it's not impulsive.

Dentist

No one like going to the dentist, but I really fear it. Just making an appointment raises my anxiety level. If something in my mouth hurts a little, I generally ignore it until it becomes something I can no longer "forget about".

Since I've transitioned to part time at work, I am losing medical benefits, including dental insurance. Tomorrow is the last day of my coverage. So when one of my teeth gave me a jolt when I chomped down on some cereal last Thursday, I forced myself not to ignore it. I called Dr. Drake's office and they fit me in at 8am the next day. The tooth in question had a huge, old filling in it, and basically the tooth needed a crown. I took an extra Xanax, the hygienist gave me a stuffed dragon (exhibit A, to the left, is that the craziest thing you have seen?) to hold, and Dr. Drake explained the whole procedure in detail, until I was ready to relax enough to lay back in the chair. He is the best dentist I have ever been to.

Just a little background, I used to get sedation dentistry, back when I could afford it. The dentist would totally knock me out and do whatever needed to be done. I chose sedation because I simply could not deal with the anxiety of dental procedures. I think the Zoloft I'm now taking, coupled with the extremely patient and sweet Dr. Drake is the difference. Mostly it's Dr. Drake. His hygienists are awesome too. The whole staff, actually, is 100% fantastic, from the receptionist to the doctors. If you live in Charlotte and need a dentist, I highly recommend Williams & Drake Dentistry.

So I'm the proud new owner of a temporary crown, with a permanent on the way. I'm a tiny bit sore today but not even sore enough to take Ibuprofen. The doctor gave me some pain pills to take yesterday and I took 1/2 of one when I started to hurt, just in case it was going to get worse, but I didn't need another one. I'm excited that I'm one huge step closer to not being afraid of going to the dentist. I'm also excited that dental insurance paid for most of this procedure; if I had waited it would have cost me an additional $870. Bullet dodged!

Disclaimer: I have not received any compensation or discount for mentioning this dentist in my blog. Not that I need to mention it, but I thought I would.

Chemistry

I'm having a really hard time with it. The first week, I vacillated between lost and faintly understanding the lessons. After completing all of the homework (six hours of it) I understood the concepts pretty well. This week, I'm lost. And just when I think I start to understand, I find out that I don't understand. So today I spent three hours in the lab working on problems in Chemistry such as dimensional analysis and converting 480 decimeters/hour into x number of nanometers/second. I thought I was getting it, so I took the quiz online, which counts towards my grade, and is open book. I got 53% correct. My heart sank into a very large vessel. Would you like me to compute the volume of my heart? Or the density? Sorry, I can't.

Damn it! I'm good at stuff...bowling, golf, tests, cooking, writing, math, english, etc. etc. but I'm not good at Chemistry. It's killing me. I had heard it was hard but thought I would attend class, apply myself, study hard and excel, which is what I've done in every other class I have ever taken, in my life. But I'm not doing well and I'm getting discouraged. I'm thinking I'm not spending enough time on homework, but I'm so tired at the end of the day that I feel like I don't have enough brainpower left to work on Chemistry. When my day is spent at work, I'm emotionally drained, and when my day is spent at school, I'm mentally drained. Don't get me started on the days I do both.

This is just undergrad, and I'm starting to understand why my favorite Vet School bloggers don't post very often. Speaking of favorite Vet School bloggers:

http://olderinvetschool.blogspot.com/

http://ejh345.wordpress.com/

http://lifeofaveterinarystudent.blogspot.com/

http://helpingthemspeak.blogspot.com/

http://vetontheedge.blogspot.com/

http://lifeinvetschool.blogspot.com/

http://www.vetschoolblog.com/

Life in Vet School is my favorite, because it's the most relatable for me.

Just found this one, tonight:

http://3amveterinarian.blogspot.com/

Looks promising. Love the *gross* picture.

Tuesday Notes

Managing my time is getting easier.

Saving all Chemistry homework for Saturday morning is not a sound strategy.

Working out during the break between work and/or classes is awesome and stress busting.

The temperature outside is finally cooling off and hopefully we can sleep with the windows open in two or three weeks.

I'm getting very good at prioritizing my day and learning how to make the most of even a few spare minutes.

I'm training a new hire at work to do my job, part time. I do not like training people.

I lost another pound since I last weighed myself.

Statistics seems like a class that doesn't seem too hard but could sneak up and bite you in the ass if you don't pay enough attention to it.

Chemistry is starting to make sense. I am extremely relieved.

One of the career paths I'm exploring is the Veterinary Radiologist.

I need to start working on finding externships or volunteer positions for when school is on break this Fall, such as Winter break. RAVS doesn't have anything during the Winter.

Are seasons capitalized? This is one of those grammar things I can't seem to remember. I'm too tired to look it up.

Time for a salad. Nighty night.

I was a euthanasia witness tonight

Last night at CRC was eventful. Because I got home so late and didn't get a chance to tell Jason about it, I just finished telling him after work tonight and thought I should write a blog post about it since it was so profound. The problem is that it would take about five pages to talk about everything.

In a nutshell, all went as usual, prepping meals and feeding birds. I'm getting faster and more efficient at measuring, and deciphering the Vet's instructions. I grabbed a few birds for treatments then was given the chance to actually give the SQ (subcutaneous: under the skin) fluids versus assisting. It's a lot harder than it looks. Keeping the needle steady was the toughest part. Next, I practiced grabbing the head of a bird (while being held by another person) so the mouth can be opened and medications given PO (per os: by mouth). Again, much harder than it looks. Since it has to be done without a glove, I was worried about being bitten. I never got the mouth open, so the vet tech did it for me, then I pushed the syringe of medication down the trachea, past the glottis, and pushed the plunger. I learned it's not done with your thumb, like on TV. I also learned that it's hard to push a syringe that has been re-used a bunch of times (this is a rescue organization) with my ring finger.

Then a volunteer brought in a bird in bad shape. It had an injury to its wing but we weren't sure how or to what extent, and it was very thin. Upon inspection we found a hole in the wing (gunshot?) and a maggot infested wing. Very long story short, we administered oxygen, sprayed the bird for the maggots, and started to pick out the bugs. An hour later, after medication, radiograph, etc. he was barely hanging on and we had to euthanize him. I held his legs while the injection was given and stroked his head as he left us. He was given a bunch of gas first so we went much more painlessly than how he came into the clinic. As the tech was listening for a heartbeat I stood there grasping the gravity of the situation. This was the first animal I had witnessed being euthanized.

The tech allowed me to put on the stethoscope and confirm a lack of heartbeat. Something about this cemented, once again, that I am on the right path. I wasn't terribly sad, as I expected to be, but more relieved that we could provide some relief to this poor, suffering bird. It left me wondering if I will feel the same way when it's an animal covered in fur rather than feathers.

Before spending time with animals in a rehabilitation setting, I was convinced that euthanasia would be the issue I would have the hardest time dealing with. Then I learned that I needed to cut up dead mice to feed birds. I thought for sure that would be the hardest part. But I then learned cutting up dead mice is otherwise known as preparing food for birds of prey. So it's a food chain thing. And I used to get mad when people would dismissively say, "it's just part of the food chain". But now I get it, the food chain thing. Then today I saw the anguish an animal can experience, and I saw the look in this bird's eyes, begging for mercy. It didn't make me sad, like I had expected. It made me focused, on what I could do to help the bird. And euthanasia wasn't such a scary concept. It was something I could do to help this bird, to relieve its suffering.

Is there a God? I'm not sure. I know for sure faith plays a very important part in many people's lives, and his existence cannot be discounted. On the occasion I have prayed, he has answered. And believe me, I don't pray unless I absolutely need to. :) Being the person who "plays God" makes me very uncomfortable, and I assisted in "playing God" last night. But I discovered something about myself I wasn't aware I had, something I can't really describe yet. Some kind of inner power to help, where all of my anxiety left my body and all that was left was my thought processes and gut instinct. It was weird and I will write more as I discover.

I released my first bird today

Today was a pretty sweet day. I woke up early and hightailed it over to CRC to cover the morning shift. After prepping meals for the birds kept inside and the outdoor diurnals, I was able to practice grabbing, since four birds outside needed to be weighed. The first was a red tailed hawk, which was easy because it was in a small enclosure, and the second was a Cooper's hawk, which I couldn't get even though it was a small enclosure. They jump up and down like popcorn kernels in a hot pan. I thought red-tails were crazy but Cooper's take the cake. Next up, a Black Vulture. This was, by far, the largest bird I've ever attempted. They weigh about 2000 grams, they're smart and they're strong, so they're hard to get and keep. I caught him but he flapped his wings wildly and got away. The more seasoned volunteer I was with caught him once more. The last bird was a red shoulder and I couldn't get him. Sweaty and tired, we walked back to the rehab center and talked about school. She goes to UNCC and has taken classes at CPCC. We're about the same age (she probably a couple of years younger) and we both are interested in becoming veterinarians. We clicked instantly. It's so nice to meet someone similar to me and I can't wait to learn more about her.

As I was leaving, Carly the volunteer coordinator asked if I wanted to release a bird today. Um, of course I do! I didn't even care what kind of bird, just a bird. Meeting up with my friend CJ for lunch will have to wait. So we picked up a Kestrel out of its enclosure, banded it, boxed it up and I drove to the McDowell Nature Preserve. I stopped at home first to grab my camera, then hoped I could get a shot of it flying off, which is no small feat since Kestrels are so fast. I was fairly certain when taking the pictures I wasn't getting anything because I was basically just pointing randomly and clicking as fast as I could. But guess what? I got a shot! I'm so excited to have captured my first release. Whoah, oxymoron! Behold:

"After" a though Thursday

Update: It was so tough I spelled it wrong in the title and just realized it today, about three weeks later.

The pic I took this morning is Thursday "Before", or before the 12+ hour day. The following pic is the Thursday "After":

Pretty awful looking! Chemistry was very tough today and I swear I almost started crying at one point because I just couldn't seem to understand anything. Then the lab was eventful because *small world alert!* my lab partner turned out to be the Branch Administrator (similar to what I did before the reception change) for another large financial services company located exactly one mile from my office. That last sentence seems like it doesn't make sense, but maybe it's because I'm so tired. If it still doesn't make send tomorrow I will clarify at that point. After lab I walked to a parking garage and spent 20 minutes looking for my car until I realized I was in the wrong garage. As I was walking to the correct garage rain started pouring down on me and ruined my already marginal hairdo. I got to my car, broke out the chocolate milk from my cooler of food (more on this at some point), and drove 45 minutes in the pounding rain to the Levine campus. There, it is sunny and hot and muggy. Made a b-line to Subway because I was starving, despite all of my snacks. Got a sandwich, wolfed it down in front of a cafe PC, obsessively checked email, Facebook, news and the usual, then headed to the computer lab to study. Spent about 2.5 hours on Geography and mostly Chemistry. I still don't understand anything in Chemistry. This weekend will be spent trying to figure it out.

Then I walked on the treadmill in the awesome fitness center for 40 minutes, weighed myself and re-weighed myself because I didn't believe the first result. I LOST ANOTHER FOUR POUNDS! OMG! I had not weighed myself because my usual gym, Planet Fitness, does not have scales. They say it's because muscle weighs more than fat and they don't want people to get discouraged; I think they're just cheap, scales are expensive. I have lost 16 pounds total. I feel great. Finally.

Showered, ate some cheese and grapes and headed to Statistics. Interesting class. Drove home.

Having some wine and soon I will be in the bed after a salad. Tomorrow I'm putting in an extra shift at The Raptor Center so I can get some more time working with the Vet. I'm not looking forward to getting up at 645 right now but after my shift I'm sure I will be glad I did. I'm meeting with CJ, one of my old friends from work, afterward. He was laid off in March and just found a job. Yay CJ!

Blogging is good. Wine is good too. A glass of wine and writing a blog post works wonders. See?

"Before" a tough Thursday

My Thursdays this semester will go something like this:

900-150 Chemistry at the uptown campus

200-230 drive to the Matthews campus

230-600 study in the lab then work out in the campus gym

600-815 Statistics

815-845 drive home

It's a long day but I'm very excited about a gym being on the Levine campus. It's brand new and has floor to ceiling windows that look out to a grassy area. After a full day I can hop onto a treadmill and walk or run to relax. They even have a locker room with showers. The campus is very new and beautiful, with lots of common areas featuring big comfy chairs and vendors like Subway. Mmm Subway. It's not as large as the Central campus uptown, but it's much nicer.

One more great thing about Thursdays: casual!!!

One more great thing about Thursdays: since it's so close to my friend Jen's house maybe I will get to see her more!!!

First Day of School

I'm tired. Got home about an hour ago and I've been checking emails, talking to my mom and catching up on news. Usually at 9:45 I'm in the bed reading a book and nodding off, but I'm just now starting to wind down. Classes were good; at first brush Chemistry is going to be a challenge and I will love Statistics. Geography will be easy. I almost wish I had taken one more class but that may have been too much right out of the gate. My real-job work days feel very long even though they are considerably shorter. I'm thinking about swapping my four hour shift at CRC for a full day shift on Fridays. It would provide much more time working with a Veterinarian versus a Vet Tech, not that there is anything wrong with being a Vet Tech (I might decide to be a VT versus a DVM) but I think learning from a DVM provides exposure to a certain level of precision.

Time for salad then bed. No book... can't comprehend any further. :)

Almost Forgotten

I just realized yesterday was my ex-husband's birthday. This will sound harsh to anyone who doesn't know the story, and it's a very long story I don't feel like going into right now, but I'm hoping one day to wipe him clean from my memory. I look forward to the day when I can't remember what he looked like. He was an evil person who I never should have married in the first place.

I'm glad I had such a great day yesterday, on his birthday, in the mountains. He would not have liked Blowing Rock; not gourmet enough and too rural, although the food was delicious and scenery beautiful. We never would have sat in the park, taking pictures, like Jason and I did, and we never would have gone just for the day: we would have been in a five star hotel. We probably would have checked into a hotel, gone to dinner, he would get drunk, then he would get his evil-drunk-face on and berate me until he passed out. I would cry myself to sleep.

But that didn't happen on his birthday this year. Instead I had a fabulous day, with my incredibly wonderful boyfriend, in a beautiful new town we explored for a few hours. I even enjoyed the four hour drive up the mountain and back. Then nobody got drunk last night, nobody fought and nobody cried. This morning I woke up, grocery shopped, kissed my sweet Jason good morning and then went to The Raptor Center, a place the ex-husband would 100% not understand. I love my "new life".

Beat the Heat

The heat in Charlotte has been oppressive for a few weeks, so we decided to spend today in Blowing Rock, North Carolina. It's under two hours drive from our home and the high temperature today was 74 whereas it was 92 in Charlotte. Neither of us had been there before but we had heard from people that it was a neat place. Personally there were way too many rude South Floridians in $400 shoes for my taste, but overall I enjoyed our day. While we were walking around at first, I just thought visitors there, in general, were a little rude and over dressed. Then Jason mentioned all of the Florida tags and it clicked. I do not miss living in South Florida for one hot minute.

We started off at The Blowing Rock, then stopped at Storeys for a tasty lunch. I had a piece of grilled chicken and mac 'n cheese; Jason an applewood smoked bacon, brie and apple panini. We then walked through Art in the Park. The weather was warm, the sun was shining and there was a slight breeze and it all just what we needed on a Saturday: relaxing exploration on the cheap with a little gourmet thrown in. We spent some time lounging under a tree in the park and headed home.

Weekly Recap

This was my last full time week at work. I made it. Praise God!

School starts Monday along with my new schedule. I'm so excited about it all. I have all of my books and supplies laid out on my desk just like when I was a kid. Geez, I'm a little bit of a geek.

Jase and I are going to Blowing Rock tomorrow to spend the day hanging out, exploring and relaxing. An art festival will be in town.

My dad is in the hospital. I'm worried about him. But I know he will be OK. He's a strong person and one of the people I look up to the most in the whole universe. Get well soon, Dad. I love you. I hope you can feel me thinking about you.

I have been very good about working out and have lost a total of 12 pounds. My legs are getting very toned and my midsection is getting smaller. Back fat, shudder, is nearly gone. One thing I know, for sure: there is nothing sexy about back fat.

I'm ready to move to a smaller residence. It's suddenly ridiculous to me that we have one bedroom and a room on the first floor we don't even enter on a regular basis. I was thinking we would have some children to occupy the space but that didn't go as planned so it's now just wasted space with a big mortgage payment attached to it.

I'm coming up on my two year anniversary of not smoking. Not bad for a pack-plus per day smoker for 18 years. At one point I wasn't sure I could make it one hour without a cigarette and now I seldom think of them. I've come a long way, baby. Ewww, that was so cliche. I'm embarrassed for myself. So why don't you just delete it? Because I have come a long way. In just two years, I've come a very, very long way. I feel like I have run a marathon and I'm currently running down a long dock toward a sparkling clean lake. It might be a long dock but at least I can see the water and feel the humidity on my skin.

Napping

Diesel is still tuckered out from the hike yesterday. Right now he's sound asleep next to my desk, half on and half off his bed. He cracks me up.

McDowell Nature Preserve

We opted to forgo fishing since the dogs were coming with us and they're hard enough to babysit without fishing line and hooks around. Diesel, although always excited to get into the car, does not like to actually go anywhere. Maybe he's agoraphobic. He would be most happy driving around the block and ending up back at home. Bean, on the other hand, loves to go anywhere, including the vet.

We hiked for a while, then found a sandy beach to camp. Bean went for a short swim and Diesel even got his feet wet. We sat there for about an hour, then Diesel started getting very whiney so we headed back home. It was a good, relaxing morning. Once the weather cools off a bit we will go more often and stay longer. I can't wait to try camping this Autumn.

We managed one decent self portrait, which Jason took. I feel like I look really pale, probably because I am really pale without makeup since I wear SPF always. Maybe I need some bronzer or something.

Happenings

Jason's Birthday

Jason turns the big 3-5 September the 6th and I wanted to do something special for him. So I have been searching online for a little weekend getaway and have booked a cabin near Blowing Rock, North Carolina for Labor Day weekend. I wanted to keep it a surprise but I'm the worst at keeping a gift a secret. So I told him and he's thrilled and I'm thrilled and we're just going to hope and maybe even pray that it doesn't rain. The last two vacations we have taken (Nova Scotia and Myrtle Beach) downpours fell every single day of seven day trips. And I'm not talking rain for an hour or so, I'm talking rain all day long. I came back from a week at the beach whiter than when I left. If it rains this time I'm just gonna freak out.

This Weekend

Tomorrow we're going to the McDowell Nature Preserve and Park. We will pack the dogs, a cooler full of food and water and the camera up in the Jeep and spend the day there. I can't wait. It's supposed to be very hot, in the 90s with plenty of humidity, but the area is heavily wooded and we can sit and put our feet in Lake Wylie to cool off. The dogs love going there, especially when they get to hike and then cool off in the water. We're also going to try fishing, courtesy of the Charlotte Park and Rec department, which loans fishing equipment for free. Jason knows how to fish but I have never been. I looked up how to humanely kill a fish, should we actually catch something big enough to eat. Lots of pics to come. I'm expecting it to be gross.

Health

I have lost twelve pounds since starting to work out and eat less. All of my "fat pants" are loose and I need a belt to keep them up. I'm also feeling much better mentally. I'm happier and less anxiety-ridden than I have been in a very long time. I know I have made it through the dark tunnel and the light around me gets brighter every single day. I'm excited about the future and I'm elated that I have found my true calling. It's about freaking time!

I Heart The Raptor Center

I worked a late shift at CRC today, from 2-9pm. Just got home and I'm tired and sweaty yet grinning because I learned lots of new stuff. Bullet points because I'm tired:

grabbed a red tailed hawk who was paralyzed and held him while he was fed and given medication

learned how to give fluids subcutaneously

learned that OS is the left eye, OD is the right and OU is both

helped to grab a Barn Owl who was screaming like a banshee

I can't believe how loud Barn Owls can screech

cleaned empty cages, which means lots of birds were released this week :)

got a permanent name tag, to replace my disposable one

grabbed a baby hawk and held her while she was fed and given meds

held a red tailed hawk while it was fed and given meds

Cleaned cages and checked on the Osprey with an amputated wing. He's hanging in there!

high-fived myself when I learned I didn't have to go into the enclosure containing the hawk who wants to scratch my eyes out.

I wish I could go back to CRC tomorrow instead of to work. I'm putting in an extra shift Tuesday after work and I can't wait!

Saturday Night Dog Pics

I love that it's still daylight until well after 8pm in the summer in North Carolina.