In a nutshell, all went as usual, prepping meals and feeding birds. I'm getting faster and more efficient at measuring, and deciphering the Vet's instructions. I grabbed a few birds for treatments then was given the chance to actually give the SQ (subcutaneous: under the skin) fluids versus assisting. It's a lot harder than it looks. Keeping the needle steady was the toughest part. Next, I practiced grabbing the head of a bird (while being held by another person) so the mouth can be opened and medications given PO (per os: by mouth). Again, much harder than it looks. Since it has to be done without a glove, I was worried about being bitten. I never got the mouth open, so the vet tech did it for me, then I pushed the syringe of medication down the trachea, past the glottis, and pushed the plunger. I learned it's not done with your thumb, like on TV. I also learned that it's hard to push a syringe that has been re-used a bunch of times (this is a rescue organization) with my ring finger.
Then a volunteer brought in a bird in bad shape. It had an injury to its wing but we weren't sure how or to what extent, and it was very thin. Upon inspection we found a hole in the wing (gunshot?) and a maggot infested wing. Very long story short, we administered oxygen, sprayed the bird for the maggots, and started to pick out the bugs. An hour later, after medication, radiograph, etc. he was barely hanging on and we had to euthanize him. I held his legs while the injection was given and stroked his head as he left us. He was given a bunch of gas first so we went much more painlessly than how he came into the clinic. As the tech was listening for a heartbeat I stood there grasping the gravity of the situation. This was the first animal I had witnessed being euthanized.
The tech allowed me to put on the stethoscope and confirm a lack of heartbeat. Something about this cemented, once again, that I am on the right path. I wasn't terribly sad, as I expected to be, but more relieved that we could provide some relief to this poor, suffering bird. It left me wondering if I will feel the same way when it's an animal covered in fur rather than feathers.
Before spending time with animals in a rehabilitation setting, I was convinced that euthanasia would be the issue I would have the hardest time dealing with. Then I learned that I needed to cut up dead mice to feed birds. I thought for sure that would be the hardest part. But I then learned cutting up dead mice is otherwise known as preparing food for birds of prey. So it's a food chain thing. And I used to get mad when people would dismissively say, "it's just part of the food chain". But now I get it, the food chain thing. Then today I saw the anguish an animal can experience, and I saw the look in this bird's eyes, begging for mercy. It didn't make me sad, like I had expected. It made me focused, on what I could do to help the bird. And euthanasia wasn't such a scary concept. It was something I could do to help this bird, to relieve its suffering.
Is there a God? I'm not sure. I know for sure faith plays a very important part in many people's lives, and his existence cannot be discounted. On the occasion I have prayed, he has answered. And believe me, I don't pray unless I absolutely need to. :) Being the person who "plays God" makes me very uncomfortable, and I assisted in "playing God" last night. But I discovered something about myself I wasn't aware I had, something I can't really describe yet. Some kind of inner power to help, where all of my anxiety left my body and all that was left was my thought processes and gut instinct. It was weird and I will write more as I discover.
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